Waiting is the name of the game

I feel like with IVF all we do is WAIT. First you wait for AF so you can start BCPs, then wait to start stims, then wait to see when you'll have your ER, wait to see how you embies are growing, wait for transfer day, wait to see if you are pregnant...wait wait wait! All this waiting is driving me crazy.

Waiting for my beta results & hoping I can keep it together until then.

Beta Tomorrow

My first Beta HCG is tomorrow at 7 a.m. I am such a mix of emotions. I have POAS 5dpt, 7dpt, 9dpt, 11dpt, & 12dpt and all came back BFP. I have a genuine feeling that I am pregnant, which makes me sound like one of those women who acts pregnant & pokes their belly out from day 1. I can't really explain why I think it will be positive but just small twinges, feeling exhausted, light cramping...

On the other hand I am feeling extremely nervous. What if all those HPTs were just flukes? What is I get the call from my nurse tomorrow & it's a BFN? I will be completely devastated!

So the nerves kick in until tomorrow's call from the nurse...

2WW bites the big one!

Okay guys I have been a VERY bad blogger lately but things happened so quickly that by the time I had one post in my head something new had happened. Since I last posted LOTS has happened. So I had my egg retrieval on Friday August 6. The Dr. was able to retrieve 20 eggs!! Out of the 20 eggs, 14 were mature & 9 fertilized. We had 3 embryo frozen from our previous cycle but only 1 made it past thawing. So we had 10 embryo ready for PGD. On day 3 one cell from each embryo was sent away for genetic testing. Out of the 10 embryo, 5 had the mutated cancer gene. Day 5 was my transfer day Wed Aug 11. Together with our Dr. we reviewed the PGD report & decided to transfer our #2 & #3 embryos (#1 had the cancer gene). My Dr. seemed extremely enthusiastic about the quality of embryo we transferred.


Transfer day didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped it would. My ovaries were still swollen & pretty large which made me feel like my bladder was fuller than it actually was. I was TERRIFIED of peeing on the table. It didn't help that the u/s lady was forcefully pushing on my stomach with the u/s wand. So my kind Dr. emptied my bladder for me so I could rest comfortably on the table.

SO here I am in the 2WW & it blows! I am an increadibly impatient person so waiting & I don't go well together. I have been naughty & POAS on 5dpt, 7dpt, & 9dpt. I still have three HPTs left & intend on using them all. So far I have gotten BFPs but I know not to get my hopes up. i think more than anything I am using these as something to pass the time. Plus my super sweet DH loves to read the results for me =) So the waiting continues until my beta Tuesday 8/24.

Murphy's Law (A.K.A. Alicia's Law)

So yesterday was day 4 of Follisitim & Menopur. I had an U/S & bloodwork in the morning. My U/S tech said that my follicles weren't quite measurable yet but they were getting close. Yesterday around 4 p.m. one of the nurses from my clinic called & said my Estrodial (E2) level was high 656. She said they wanted to take me off the Follistim & see me back for monitoring the following morning.

I went this morning for day 5 U/S & BW. I had about 6 follicles that were measuring in around 10, 11, & 12. I asked the tech if this was a bad thing? She said that it isn't necesarily a bad thing but that I may be responding quickly to the stims. Hopefully my E2 returns to an acceptable level & I don't hyperstim.

More than that I am terrified of this cycle failing. I keep telling my DH I don't know what I will do if it doesn't work this time. What if my cycle get's cancelled because my body is stupid? I am filled with the "What Ifs" & it's driving me crazy. Please continue to think of me during this cycle!

And it starts again

Well today was day #1 of injections. I am doing 150 units of follistim in the am & 75 of follistim & 75 of menopur in the evening. I am excited to finally be moving along in this process. In the back of my head I keep getting this nagging feeling, "What if it doesn't work this time?" I know that we had to scrape, beg, & borrow so that we could pay for this cycle so another cycle is nowhere in our near future. I would be completely devestated if I come out of this cycle empty handed once again. I am not a religious person but I have found myself just PRAYING that this cycle works so I can stop with the negative thoughts. Next appt with the vuvu cam isn't until Saturday so I have a little break. I will try to be a better blogger during all of this so that I can keep everyone up to date. Please continue to keep me & my DH in your thoughts as infertility is not easy.

DRUGS ;-)

I got a hold of my fertility nurse & discussed the drugs we would be using for this cycle. This time they have put me on the Antagonist protocol, which includes Ganirelex, Menopur, & Follistim. I got quite a few drugs from the clinic but I am trying to be well informed and price out my meds this time. I need the Ganirelex & HCG (the only 2 I didn't get from my Dr.) I have priced out Freedom Fertility pharmacy, Burman's pharmacy, fertilitymeds.com, Walgreen's Specialty pharmacy, & Alexander's Twin pharmacy. So far Alexander's pharmacy has been the cheapest. Does anyone else know of a less expensive pharmacy; or any other pharmacies in general that I can check out? Last time we went with Freedom pharmacy because that is what my RE suggested & I think we ended up paying far too much for our meds. Any & all help or suggestions are appreciated!!!

My luck is changing

So my last post was looking for some help with creative ways to fund my next IVF cycle... Since I got an overwhelming response from all my blogging friends ** ENTER SARCASM HERE** I decided to come up with a plan on my own. I actually came up with many different plans. Plan 1) Sell our house & live with my in-laws for a year, save up money that would go to the mortgage. This would be a great idea EXCEPT I am a horrible house keeper & my MIL keeps a meticulous house, NOT GONNA WORK! Plan 2) Sell our broken boat for what we owe on it so that we reduce one more bill & can exchange it with a baby bill. This idea sounds PERFECT except my sweet husband is absolutely in love with our boat. Our boat is like his "man cave". Boat plan is out of the question. Plan 3) Become an egg donor. I thought this would be a great idea because our fertility issues have nothing to do with poor egg quality & I hear you can make a couple thousand dollars doing this!! Plus I would be helping a lot of people who are in a similar boat as me. Talked to my Babe about this plan & he was very uncomfortable with this idea. He can't quite get over the thought that I would have a biological baby living somewhere in this world. So for now this plan is a no-go but we may re-visit it in the future (I would love to give back!)

So with all of my plans shot down we are still left with No money & No baby. Being unemployed I have had a lot of time which I generally spend 70% of it online. I am either searching for jobs or perusing facebook. I happened to mention on my facebook page that I was UNEMPLOYED & actively looking for a job to occupy my time. When out of no where I got a job offer!!!! A chat window popped up on my facebook screen. It was my Uncle's-wife's (my aunt by marriage) brother's wife (my aunt's sister-in-law). She is the nurse manager of a small ambulatory surgery center & offered me a per diem nursing job! WOOOOOHOOOOO!! I started last week & I absolutely LOVE IT!!

"Per diem" means that I don't owe them any set number of hours & they don't owe me set hours. BUT if they need someone I am available to fill the holes. I should be getting around 20 hours per week, which isn't a lot but on a nurses salary it's enough to start IVF again!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!! We called the loan company & were approved for a personal loan & now that I am working we will have enough to cover the payments! This job is not only perfect in the monetary aspect, but since it's only per diem I will have the time & flexibility in my schedule to do all of the monitoring. PERFECT. So I have to call my clinic's nurse today but the NEW plan is to start again in August. Hooray for luck!